THROUGH.THE.FOG.

saturday morning, i snuck out of bed a little early. okay, so it was about 7am. i know. way too early for a day off. but the night before i had read that there was a good chance for waves, and sure enough, when i checked the report, the word was good.

so i filled a thermos of hot water and made my way for the coast. however, when i pulled up to cliffs, on pch, this is what i faced...


...i believe the term is pea soup. when i pulled my suit on and stood at the water's edge, i was still shocked that i couldn't see past the white wash relentlessly emerging from behind the blurry curtain of floating condensation. but i had come to surf, and surf was what i was going to do. but after ducking a few inside waves, and a serious ice-cream headache, i looked up at a monstrous wall of water that seemed to violently jump out of the abyss. but i had come to surf...

so i made a quick turn and pointed my board for the beach and paddled back in fear. i was almost ashamed, despite the lack of a heckling beach crowd (again, it was just after 7am on a saturday morning in the cold and the fog).

it was funny, because almost immediately i realized how hard i push myself to perform some times. even when the circumstances aren't right, and i am not really "all-about-it," i feel this need to finish the course i started to consider myself successful, or even more deeply, to consider myself valuable.

now i know this may seem like a stretch, relating to a drab surf session in bad conditions. but, once i changed course, drove out of the fog, and found a few waves of my own, i felt grace. once i released my expectations, my step was lighter.

what are you holding on to? even though the start may have been romantic and exciting, what are you gritting your teeth to finish? could you change course...